It's THAT Time Of The Year

I like this time of the year. In my neck of the woods, the trees turn pretty colors, the squirrels collect all my walnuts, and THE KIDS GO BACK TO SCHOOL! (all the parents say collectively..."HALLELUIA!")

Not that I don't like my kids...I do (most of the time), but, I just wish they'd GROW UP.

Really.

Grow up and have kids of their own so that THEY can begin to be paid back for all the (beep!) they put ME through. What my Mother (God rest her soul) said to me when I was younger still holds true... "I hope you have kids just like you!" (I did.)

But now that my college aged youngster is back to the school-of-higher-education-of-her-choice, I am feeling I have a better perspective on things. Except when she comes to visit. (I KNEW I should have spent the money so she could study abroad)

I have recently stumbled across a deep, dark secret known only on American college campuses. This is the secret that colleges all across America DON'T WANT YOU TO KNOW! (Are you ready to be shocked?)

The truth is... they do not serve food at American colleges any longer! IT'S TRUE! and I have positive proof with these amazing facts.

1] All college kids complain about the food constantly. It appears the stuff they serve is not actually food!

2] All college kids consistantly are seen at all the local doughnut shops, pizza shops, and convenience stores (and we all know THEY don't serve REAL food).

And the most compelling reason I know to prove they don't serve actual food at American college campuses....

3] All college kids IMMEDIATELY RAID THE PARENTS' REFRIDGERATOR as soon as they walk in the door!

The scene usually goes like this...
Dad: "Hey, look who's home! How are you, dear?"
Kid: (grunt - as they head for the kitchen)
Mom: "So what brings you home?"
Kid: "Nothing" (as they open the fridge.)
Dad: "How is school going this semester?"
Kid: "Fine." (as they make a large sandwich from everything that can fit between two slices of bread.)

Well, you get the idea.

See, if they actually fed our young people in the college cafeteria, I am convinced this would not happen. I am very, very mad about this and I'm not going to take it any more!

Somebody needs to call a lawyer.
Somebody needs to write a congressman.
Somebody needs to buy these kids a years supply of Happy Meals!

What am I going to do? I'm putting a new padlock on the fridge.
One that can't be jimmied open as easily as the last one.

-Jack


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